What a Politician who Made Porn and a Disgraced Coach can Teach us About Restoration vs. Redemption
Two related recent news stories:
Oklahoma offensive coordinator Jeff Lebby apologized Monday after his father-in-law, disgraced former Baylor coach Art Briles, was seen on the field with Lebby after Oklahoma's 28-11 win over SMU on Saturday night.
Baylor fired Briles in 2016 after an investigation concluded he and his staff took no action against players named in sexual assault allegations. The images of Briles decked out in Oklahoma gear on Owen Field drew backlash from Sooners fans on social media.
Second:
A candidate in a high-stakes legislative contest in Virginia had sex with her husband in live videos posted on a pornographic website and asked viewers to pay them money in return for carrying out specific sex acts.
Screenshots of Susanna Gibson on the website were shared with The Associated Press. The campaign for Gibson, a Democrat running for a seat in the Virginia House of Delegates in a district just outside Richmond, issued a statement Monday in which it denounced the sharing of the videos as a violation of the law and her privacy. Gibson called the exposure of the videos “the worst gutter politics.”
Art Briles and Susanna Gibson may not have much in common, but they both made the same mistake this month. Each assumed that their past was not relevant to their present. Each hoped that choices they had once made would no longer haunt them. Each has found that in our contemporary culture, the past is never really past.
Coach Briles has been out of a job for seven years, but his son-in-law is still required by the mob to denounce his own family – or at least hide the man who raised his spouse, lest the vision of an aging grandfather in a moment of joy be interpreted as permissioning rape.
Susanna Gibson is no longer making porn with her husband. Many in both parties regard the fact that she did so as a permanent disqualification from public office.
I’m not interested in the specifics of what Coach Briles did or did not do while he was at Baylor, nor do I care much about the question of whether sex videos are evidence that one is unfit to serve in the Virginia House of Delegates. As an American raised on redemption stories and Hollywood dramas, and with a generous and tolerant view of human nature, I have no problem with Art Briles celebrating with his family on the field. I do not see why sex videos should mean that Susanna Gibson cannot be a political leader. My personal view is that very few things should merit life sentences of any sort.
I am also interested in figuring out how best to live in the world we have, rather than the one for which we fervently wish.
I am surrounded by people who think that in general, there’s been too little accountability rather than too much. I am keenly aware that the public mood is angry, churlish, spoiling for a fight – and eager to play “gotcha” games when there’s a chance to snare someone from the “other side.” I cannot convince many of you that we are all or less the same. You are deeply invested in believing that we are in an existential battle for the preservation of this country. You are probably convinced that a necessary part of that fight is holding people accountable. Impeachments, trials, indictments, cancellations: wielded by your side, they are weapons to defend the republic. (Wielded by the other, they are cynical efforts to cut the constitution into ribbons. Le eyeroll. Le sigh.)
You think I’m preaching mealy-mouthed both-sidesism. I think you’re unable to hear how your urgent, anguished, angry tones sound identical to those of the “other side” whom you despise. I wish you would be a little less judgmental. You wonder what has happened to my judgment – or, if you’re being patronizing, you simply assume my reflexive embrace of everything and everyone is a manifestation of a serious brain injury.
It is what it is.
I wish Art Briles could celebrate with his family in public. Or even have another coaching job! I wish Susanna Gibson could win or lose based solely on her politics and not her porn past. But that’s not the world we live in, and more importantly, it’s not really the world most of you want. You might be more sympathetic to Gibson or Briles here, but most of you, dear readers, think that it is right and proper that some choices lead to a lifetime ban from coaching or public office.
I cannot teach again. Not in a classroom. No one will hire someone with my past. Some are sympathetic, and say, “We wish we could help you get a job, but in the current culture, there’s just no way.” Others mix censoriousness with encouragement: “No second chances after what you did, Hugo. It’s not right. It would send a bad message. We wish you well with the next phase of your life. We’re rooting for you!”
What I’d say to Coach Briles and Susanna Gibson is this: I know how outrageous it is to feel that you cannot have a second chance. I know how unfair it seems that your past follows you wherever you go. I know you want people to judge you in the full context of your life, and not just for the scandal that made the news. I get it in my bones, sir and ma’am. I know what it is to feel bitter and hard done by. I know what it is to believe oneself a sinner – yes – but one more sinned against than sinning.
We live, as the theologians put it, in the time between the Already and the Not Yet. What has been done has Already been done, and it cannot be undone. Today is not the day our slate will be wiped clean, and tomorrow doesn’t look good either. The Second Chance is Not Yet.
I don’t want to abuse religious language any more than I already do, but it’s instructive to think of the distinction between Redemption and Restoration. To be restored means to be allowed to go back to what one once had. The spouse forgives the affair - and welcomes you back into their bed. The voters forgive the indiscretions - and elect you to office. The team gives you another head coaching job. The administration forgives the sleeping with students – and invites you to take your place at the lectern once more. That’s restoration.
Restoration is the fantasy of every fuckup, the daydream of every dastard, the reverie of every reprobate. Restoration rarely happens. Not Yet, anyway.
What can happen is redemption. Redemption looks like becoming friends with that former spouse on whom you cheated. Redemption looks like friends recommending you for writing work. Redemption means being able to start over again and again and again.
In Coach Briles’ case, redemption might be sitting at the family dinner table, and having his grandchildren kiss his cheek, and hearing their sweet and genuine “We love you, no matter what.”
In Susanna Gibson’s case, it might be the Democratic Party saying, “We cannot have you as a candidate, as the world isn’t ready. But we have a place for you as an adviser, and we will always welcome you as a colleague and a counselor.”
When someone brings up your past as a reason to deny you something in the present, it is human to feel persecuted. It is natural to feel outrage. I promise you, though, that sense of being the victim will not serve you well. It will make you small and bitter. The world will judge you for what you did, and they will hold you accountable, and they will do it regardless of whether you judge it fair.
Focus on the redemption, not the restoration. It’s the only way.