I am literally astounded at how any sane person can compare you to Neil Gaiman. No one who was involved has ever reported your behavior to your employer, or gone to the police. If you had not outed yourself no one would be the wiser and only you and the women involved would know what happened. The women were willing and of legal age. No crime there. Some might say that adultery is the crime, but that doesn't seem to be the mob's gripe. I know you know this, but please try to rein in the self-googling and acceptance of the mob's disdain. BTW I love how you warn your mama when she could be upset/unnerved by one of your posts. I have been a Neil Gaiman fan for years and will continue to watch any of his shows/read any of his books that are available. I think Prime has erred in canceling the 3rd season of "Good Omens", which is a popular and fantastic series (and I often prefer the previously read book to any screen adaptation, but not in this case).
If lump me together with Gaiman, then I am Gaiman. One can say, don't pay attention to fools on the Internet -- but those fools triggered my breakdown (or I was so weak I couldn't resist being triggered.) The emotional and financial costs are very real. My children have suffered incalculably because a distinction wasn't drawn.
I lost my livelihood. My children lost their safety and security. When the torches get lit and the pitchforks get passed out, I don't spend a lot of time debating whether the mob's target THIS time is worse or better than I was. I just know the tactics are the same, and I know they are meant to kill.
Agreed- those attacking don't seem to care at all about the ramifications to the person being attacked or to the person's family. I know you lost a lot. However, since you know that those fools on the internet triggered your breakdown, it seems that one thing you can do to protect yourself is not to look yourself up.
I say this out of love. Self-loathing is just as narcissistic as self-adoration. The people who love you deserve for you to love, without obsessing over, yourself. Now, when you figure out how to do that, let us (me) know. But it probably starts with spending less than you earn on a consistent basis. I'm still struggling with that one.
"You cannot ask me to forgive myself while I remain manifestly unforgiven."
The story of random irrelevant people wanting *not* to forgive is as consistent as it is ancient.
Jonah resisted going to Nineveh because he knew God might forgive the people there if they repented. He got mad at God when exactly that happened. He was the random stranger wanting God not to forgive tens of thousands of people in Nineveh he'd never met. God had to teach him a lesson about that.
Don't internalize that unforgiveness from strangers. Learn from God's molding of Jonah. He forgives.
That doesn't mean recovery is painless, but He has forgiven.
Yes. I am so focused on the angry people whose grace I cannot earn that I’m doing a lousy job of being grateful for the grace that is given, is sufficient, and which is miraculous. Thanks.
I'm not sure who all these people are who are so gleeful about men who are cancelled because of the MeToo# movement. I suspect the folks who are enjoying schadenfreude are greatly overrepresented on the internet where they can hide that ugliness behind anonymity. Personally, I'm glad that men who prey on women (not putting you in that category, Hugo) are finally being called to account. But it gives me no cause for "merriment" that I can no longer in good conscience watch my favorite Woody Allen pictures, or that Miramax, which produced so many of my favorite movies, is out of business with the downfall of Harvey Weinstein. It's all just really sad that MeToo# needed to happen.
I wrote a defense of Hugo very much like what you pose here: Had he not written (outed himself) about his own deeds, the mob never would have circled.
Of course, no one is interested in logic or understanding nuance when they are inflamed and demanding blood.
I believe Hugo was a sacrifice. A sacrifice of those at the alters of their own credulity. I don't believe they despised Hugo anywhere near as much as they despised themselves for believing they were fooled. With the great tragedy being that they were never fooled.
He was always brazenly open and honest about his foibles and, in fact, what I always found most brave was his willingness to use his character flaws as powerful lessons to young men and women. To help them examine their own motivations and desires far earlier in life than he was able to.
I wrote on this extensively and uselessly on, I believe it was Feministe, a decade or so ago, when everything unfolded.
It has always been a sore spot for me that liberals will eat their own far more easily than those on the right. And the forgiveness that we all swear we wish to incorporate into these situations evaporates when the next Hugo or Neil appear.
I am literally astounded at how any sane person can compare you to Neil Gaiman. No one who was involved has ever reported your behavior to your employer, or gone to the police. If you had not outed yourself no one would be the wiser and only you and the women involved would know what happened. The women were willing and of legal age. No crime there. Some might say that adultery is the crime, but that doesn't seem to be the mob's gripe. I know you know this, but please try to rein in the self-googling and acceptance of the mob's disdain. BTW I love how you warn your mama when she could be upset/unnerved by one of your posts. I have been a Neil Gaiman fan for years and will continue to watch any of his shows/read any of his books that are available. I think Prime has erred in canceling the 3rd season of "Good Omens", which is a popular and fantastic series (and I often prefer the previously read book to any screen adaptation, but not in this case).
If lump me together with Gaiman, then I am Gaiman. One can say, don't pay attention to fools on the Internet -- but those fools triggered my breakdown (or I was so weak I couldn't resist being triggered.) The emotional and financial costs are very real. My children have suffered incalculably because a distinction wasn't drawn.
I lost my livelihood. My children lost their safety and security. When the torches get lit and the pitchforks get passed out, I don't spend a lot of time debating whether the mob's target THIS time is worse or better than I was. I just know the tactics are the same, and I know they are meant to kill.
Agreed- those attacking don't seem to care at all about the ramifications to the person being attacked or to the person's family. I know you lost a lot. However, since you know that those fools on the internet triggered your breakdown, it seems that one thing you can do to protect yourself is not to look yourself up.
I say this out of love. Self-loathing is just as narcissistic as self-adoration. The people who love you deserve for you to love, without obsessing over, yourself. Now, when you figure out how to do that, let us (me) know. But it probably starts with spending less than you earn on a consistent basis. I'm still struggling with that one.
Most of what I spend is on the kids and their needs. But it’s true they don’t need to play club soccer or have new clothes as often as they do…
"You cannot ask me to forgive myself while I remain manifestly unforgiven."
The story of random irrelevant people wanting *not* to forgive is as consistent as it is ancient.
Jonah resisted going to Nineveh because he knew God might forgive the people there if they repented. He got mad at God when exactly that happened. He was the random stranger wanting God not to forgive tens of thousands of people in Nineveh he'd never met. God had to teach him a lesson about that.
Don't internalize that unforgiveness from strangers. Learn from God's molding of Jonah. He forgives.
That doesn't mean recovery is painless, but He has forgiven.
Yes. I am so focused on the angry people whose grace I cannot earn that I’m doing a lousy job of being grateful for the grace that is given, is sufficient, and which is miraculous. Thanks.
I'm not sure who all these people are who are so gleeful about men who are cancelled because of the MeToo# movement. I suspect the folks who are enjoying schadenfreude are greatly overrepresented on the internet where they can hide that ugliness behind anonymity. Personally, I'm glad that men who prey on women (not putting you in that category, Hugo) are finally being called to account. But it gives me no cause for "merriment" that I can no longer in good conscience watch my favorite Woody Allen pictures, or that Miramax, which produced so many of my favorite movies, is out of business with the downfall of Harvey Weinstein. It's all just really sad that MeToo# needed to happen.
I wrote a defense of Hugo very much like what you pose here: Had he not written (outed himself) about his own deeds, the mob never would have circled.
Of course, no one is interested in logic or understanding nuance when they are inflamed and demanding blood.
I believe Hugo was a sacrifice. A sacrifice of those at the alters of their own credulity. I don't believe they despised Hugo anywhere near as much as they despised themselves for believing they were fooled. With the great tragedy being that they were never fooled.
He was always brazenly open and honest about his foibles and, in fact, what I always found most brave was his willingness to use his character flaws as powerful lessons to young men and women. To help them examine their own motivations and desires far earlier in life than he was able to.
I wrote on this extensively and uselessly on, I believe it was Feministe, a decade or so ago, when everything unfolded.
It has always been a sore spot for me that liberals will eat their own far more easily than those on the right. And the forgiveness that we all swear we wish to incorporate into these situations evaporates when the next Hugo or Neil appear.