Sitemap - 2021 - Hugo Schwyzer

A Poem and a Carol

You Don't Get to Go: On the Moral Obligation not to Kill Oneself

An Apology to my Patient Readers

Changing Campus Politics: Why Disgrace Might Be Preferable to Irrelevance

Choices, Consequences, and Chivalry: Thoughts on Abortion

My Daughter Bought a Grateful Dead Sweatshirt -- But Doesn't Know Who They Are

Different Levels of COVID Caution? There's a Civil Way to Handle That, Too.

Faking it Till You Make It: How Channeling Clint Eastwood Helps my Marriage

"Mean Girl Shit," Dressed Up As Social Commentary: The Mocking of Kyrsten Sinema

The Right to the Story: Taylor Swift and the Sexual Politics of Memory

There is No "Them"

A Really Good Pretend: How Horror Movies Soothe My Fears About My Children

There is no such thing as healthy public shaming

Quick Thoughts on Virginia

It Takes All Sorts to Make a World: A Defense of Gentle Liberalism in a Fiercely Partisan Age

The Good was Very Good, the Bad was Horrid: My Daughter Starts to Reckon with Growing Up in the Kabbalah Centre

A Deep and Enduring Satisfaction: on Seeing the Rolling Stones

Everyone is Afflicted

Who Wants You to Believe it's the End of the World As You Know It?

A Thank-You Note to Subscribers

When "Raven" became "True" -- Navigating Gender Identity at My Daughter's Middle School

Dancing with the Girl Who Brung Ya: Clinging to Civility When the Culture Demands Otherwise

"Eira Doesn't Count:" Why My Fiancee Wants my Ex-Wife at our Wedding Next Week

The Mountain Troll in the Checkout Lane

My Son, My Father, Football and the Hard Condition of the World

It Ain’t Over: Politics, Football, and the Enduring Temptation to Declare a Premature Victory

Goldilocks and the Trader Joe's Cashier

Power in the Blood: On Going Back to Selling my Plasma

Raising Young Diplomats in a Divided World: Pronouns, Rodeo, and Openness

Just the Due Recompense of Your Error: Gay Men, the AIDS crisis, and the Unvaccinated

All My Ex In-Laws

Three Dog Night and Dixie: the Innocent, Complicit Pluralism of my Childhood Music Class

Heartbreak and Heat on September 10

Sex Strikes, Abortion Laws, and the Real Meaning of Lysistrata

The Texas Abortion Law Means Gavin Newsom Will Survive: The GOP's Missed Chance to Court Civil Libertarians

What I Need the Children to Know: Part Two of my Self-Interview

A Refuge from COVID, Trump, and the Culture Wars: Why Everyone is into Myers-Briggs and the Enneagram

Many Paths to the Mountaintop: My Daughter's First Time at a Reform Synagogue

Embracing ‘Never Getting Over It:’ Part One of an Interview with Myself

Of Fear and Monsters and Billboards

When She Wants It More than You Do: How Being the Lower-Desire Partner Changed my Life

Vulgarity at the State Fair

Six Keys to Being a Gentleman

What Will Sustain You When Everything Falls Apart?

Good Old Boys Like Us: Bill Clinton Turns 75

Why Can't Everyone Be Like Me? On "Zero COVID" and Irreconcilables

In the Prison of His Days, a Child Asks the Grocery Clerk for a Lollipop

My first interview in eight years

The Boys Are, in Fact, Okay

Are the Boys Okay? (Yes).

Signing on for the Duration

The Five Types of Cancelled People

"Numbers Don't Matter When It's Your Child": The Vaccine Wars, Culture, and Subjective Anxieties

Curiosity Will Save Us

What I Am is Because of What I Was: Memory and Fallacy

Deciding Who Gets to See You Naked

A Broad and Generous Definition of Heroism: Celebrating Kerri Strug’s “Yes”— and Simone Biles’ “No.”

Two Small Town White Boy Country Singers, Two Very Different Reckonings

I've Lost Weight, My Fiancée Hasn't - and People are Judging

On Getting Married, for the Fifth Time

The Whirligig of Time: What the Quiz Show Scandals Can Teach Us about Surviving Cancel Culture

My Kids Deserve a New Story: A Plea for Help from my Readers

Who Are You Calling We? The Dangers of Certainty and Exclusion

Other Selves Pulling the Strings: Desire, Self-Harm, and the Longing to be Longed For

History and Humility

A Small Death on the Ranch Road

The Day I Picked the Wrong Role Model

The Children Are Missing: Thirty Minutes of Terror

Please, Let Me Be Forgotten: My Letter to Los Angeles Magazine

Joining in My Father's Remarks: A Sketch of Family History

The Noom Diet is Probably NOT the Hero's Journey

I'm 54, but I Will Always Call Myself a Boy

The #MeToo Movement and the Refusal to Draw Distinctions

Mixed Race Kids and the Great Racial Reckoning

There Will Be no Happy Ending. We Stay, Anyway.

What Does 8:46 Mean? On George Floyd, 9/11, and Memory

Weekly Digest, June 13 2021

The Bewildered Mentee -- The Collateral Damage of Professor-Student Romances

What are Sports For?

The Rise and Fall of Yashar Ali

Is Revenge Porn Sometimes Necessary?

Every Battle is a Battle over Memory

Weekly Digest - June 6, 2021

A Mea Culpa on Age-Gap Relationships

The Cousin Who Fell Off the Mountain: On Family and Memory

SlutWalk, 10 Years On

The Abortion Wars are Still with Us

The Dream, Again

Weekly Digest — May 30, 2021

Beyond Lust and Disgust: Good Manners, Community, and Bodies

My Daughter Takes Gymnastics in an Orthodox Jewish Gym -- and Men Can't Come to Her Spring Showcase

There is No Perfect Time to Have Children

The Firings Will Continue until Error Abates: on What it Will Take to End Cancel Culture

Two One-Night Stands, 26 Years Apart

My Ancestors' Hands Upon My Shoulders: Remembering My Son's Circumcision

I'm Glad for Other People's Guns

Against Nostalgia, or Why You Should Listen to New Music

Is a Gentleman Just a "Self-Effacing Doormat?"

An Update from your Trader Joe's Crew Member

I Could Never Date Someone Who Likes Ayn Rand: on Snobbery and Dismissiveness

The TikTok Influencers who Comfort my Daughter

We Take Care of Our Own

How SHOULD Middle-Aged Men Talk about Billie Eilish?

"Promise Me Son, Not to Do the Things I've Done"

All the Fearful People: Anti-Vaxxers and Desperate Maskers in the Grocery Store

Why Can't You See You're Not Blake Bailey?

My "Goy Toy": Sex, Religion, and Rejection

In Defense of Secret Lives

"We Wanted You to Have a Lovely Party": A Truck, a Dog, and a Lie

The Courage to Betray Other Men: Why "Promising Young Woman" is Such a Compelling Moral Challenge

"Nothing is More Cruel than Righteous Indignation:" In Praise of Defense Lawyers

"A Power I Didn't Know I Had" -- A Mentee Asks Why I Never Tried to Sleep With Her

My Ex and I Agree: Manners are the Most Important Thing We Can Teach Our Children

The Woke, or the Reactionary? How Liberals Can Choose Between Two Unappetizing Options

We Can -- and Should -- Live Our Lives in Compartments.

Promising Young Man: What I Fear is the Real Reason I Got my Teaching Job

Changing the Mascot Name, or Pulling Down the Statue: Who Gets to Decide?

Getting on with the Business of Living: Thoughts on Prince Philip

The Joy of Stopping During Sex

What SHOULD You Say When Someone Shows You a Naked Photo That Isn't Yours to See?

The Transcendent Comforts of a Secular Easter

The Homosocial Bounder: Matt Gaetz, and His Obsession with Other Men's Admiration

The Day I Resigned My Teaching Job

Repentance and Return: What Jewish Tradition Tells Us about Restoring the Cancelled

One Man's Vulgarity Remains Another Man's Lyric: Defending Free Speech Absolutism

We Should Still Delight in Problematic Art

White Men, Mass Killings, and the Absence of Safe Male Mentors

One Week as a Deke

The Cruelest Thing about Cancel Culture? The Friendships it Destroys

We Are Incompletely Seen: On Speaking Ill of the Dead

The Plague Year at Trader Joe's

Should Men Teach Women's Studies?

"I Wonder What Your Children Will Look Like:" Mixed Race Identity, Evolving Family Values, and THAT Interview

Recollections May Vary

Memorable Chats with the Children, Women's Day Edition

The Historian as Defense Lawyer, or What PhDs are Good For

"A Man's Got to Know His Limitations" -- When I Tried to Be an Accountant

Why I Don't Boycott Anything

"Just Because You Said Nasty Things About Me on Twitter it Doesn't Mean We Can't Be Friends"

I'm Against Cancel Culture. I Still Think Andrew Cuomo Should Resign.

My Second Wife Threw Out All My Diaries

My Second Wife Threw Out All My Diaries

The WASP and the Money Dance: A Wedding, and a Lesson in Manners

Sex, Lies, and Britney Spears: on Illusions of Power

I was Born to Teach, But Never Should Have Been a Teacher: Mental Illness and Excellence

Catches and Canyons: Making the Most of the Time with the Children

Nothing Feels Better than Blood on Blood: The Black Sheep and the Brilliant One

Your Rush Limbaugh was Not My Rush Limbaugh: Goodness, Badness, Humility and Perspective

Ten Years Later, Should I Ask My College Friend How He Really Felt About Me?

You Have Hurt Us, But We Aren't Going to Tell the World: On Family Loyalty in a Revolutionary Age

Writing Good Politics with Crooked Lines: Against Resigning after a Scandal


The Denny's Where We Say Goodbye

Why I Stopped Sleeping With Students -- and Why I Went Back

Why Don't Young People Ask Me Questions? And, Are We Having Too Little Sex?

Everyone Who Touches Us Makes Us Who We Are

"White Boy Mojo" - an anecdote

"Covering Up the Gal in the Daisy Dukes": WASP families and the Paradox of Making Everyone Feel Comfortable

Help! My Twin Brother is a Very Polite Trumper! Can I still Confront Him?

"The Wind Will Keep Your Secrets, But You Still Probably Shouldn't Shout:" a Breakup Story

The Day I Was Kicked Out of Eighth Grade

The Ancient, Murderous Roots of Q-Anon

Advice Column: the Case of the COVID-fearing Bridesmaid

"I'm Sorry, Sir, Your Son May Die"

Grief isn't the Same as Regret: an Abortion Reflection

My Daughter, the Bat Mitzvah

"Serves You Right, Cracker:" Rethinking Cancel Culture after January 6

Ask Hugo: What to Do About a Younger Boyfriend --and Q-Anon Parents?

Divorce Just Let More Love In: On My Parents' 57th Wedding Anniversary

The Place Where We Become What We Said We Would Be

"Daddy, What are You Doing to Stay Safe?"

Announcing an Advice Column

Body, Remember: On Aging, Desire, and the Slide into Invisibility